Just wrote a song called Chokoloskee, with the line: 

Delaware’s okay by me/In the springtime and the fall 

But new years to St Patricks/You can freeze yer fuckin’ balls 

Do you think”fuckin’” is too crude? Should it be “fucking?” Or “feckin’, “ which is perfectly ok in Ireland. 

In Chokoloskee: We lived next door to Annie/ Peter and their little dog 

lizards watched you when you showered/ and the neighbor hunted frogs. 

he picked his wife up in Siberia/Annie helped him to prepare 

had to drive haflway to Georgia/to find long underwear 

Soon I’ll be back there yo play at Joannie’s Blue Crab in Ochopee, on Tampa-Miami Rt. 41, across from the nation’s smallest post office and nearby Skunk Ape HQ. 

LET IT THERE AND LEAVE ME BE             My wife continually and consistently confuses “let” and “leave,” and her whole family does too. Pennsylvania Dutch folk are famous for inverting sentences, as in “Throw me from the train a kiss; wave me a goodbye.” Cute as that may be, at times she’ll stop me in my tracks because I really don’t know what the hell she’s saying. 

When I taught school in PA, I found my students were in universal agreement on one grammatical fallacy that I can’t remember, probably because I force shit like that out of my mind lest it pop up to confuse me, or, at times, I might automatically make the same mistake. My spelling’s been ruined by years of reading misspelled student essays. 

 My PA students formed a solid bloc of group denial, and told me that I was the wrong one. They’d all picked up this error from any number of different teachers, and they were so adamant and certain that I believe the point had been made real strongly in their previous classes, since they didn’t remember much else. Nobody does. Add to this the large German (Deutch=“Dutch”) population of PA, stubborn as goats, and you’ll understand I was facing a Berlin Wall of bad English. 

When I was in and out of Idaho years ago, one had to be careful in the shower, because the “hot” and the “cold” were anybody’s guess. My wife’s family starts the toilet paper roll going the wrong way, and they hand-wash the dishes and dry them in the dishwasher. Their neighbors are Amish, deer, or bears. “Jeopardy” is their only window on the Twenty-first century, and Alex is a feckin’ Canuck. 

All I can do with my wife is leave her be when she tells me she’s let some lunch in the fridge.


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